First you realize and then learn how self doubt can deter your attempts to develop self confidence and become braver. There are far too many individuals who walk through their lives carrying the burden of self doubt.
Deep down, there’s a constant fear that they’re lacking something, missing a few essential qualities which would propel them to be more successful socially, making them worthy of true love, and accelerate other areas of their lives such as becoming a successful entrepreneur or a professional entertainer.
They’re constantly worrying or will get flashbacks about their friends taunting or leaving them because of something that they’ve failed to do, or a mistake that they’ve made.
They as a result will begin feeling down about themselves, then begin to lack confidence, and fail to be assertive enough to accomplish their goals.
This at certain stages of anyone’s life will describe them, so it becomes important that you don’t need to feel the same way. Your mind on autopilot will continuously remind yourself of these painful experiences, and then project the same results forward into your everyday life.
But regardless if you believe it or not, this may be good news for you. It offers you a baseline to construct a platform of feeling better about yourself. You can begin by changing how you relate and think about yourself.
There are a few reasons why you currently maintain this low self esteem and confidence, which are usually a result of: selective attention, selective memory, and selective interpretation. Once you recognize how one or all of these are damaging you, then you can change your course.
Having Selective Attention
Individuals who may feel insecure will often instantly and instinctively notice situations which confirms their lack of confidence or worth. They’ll often diminish their strengths while not noticing how much appreciation others may have for them.
If this is your case, then just consider this past week. Did you just pay attention to things or events which shows your lack of value which makes you feel inadequate.
Begin by deciding to give yourself more positive feedback. Consciously begin to look for anything that’s positive and then be inclined to maximize its importance. The lesson being that you recognize and know that they exist.
Having Selective Memory
Another trap which individuals will fall into and as a result will feel inadequate is failing to remember those times which they were successful at doing something.
They’ll fail to remember anything which was particularly successful that they’ve accomplished, or they don’t remember any of the meaningful feedback that they’ve received. This is a common trait for those who have selective memory.
So go back and think of how others have shown their appreciation and how they cared about you. Think of the good things which you’ve accomplished in your work, as insignificant as they may be, such as finishing your to-do list. On a social basis, it can be something as simple as smiling at someone and being friendly towards them.
To help you in remembering the positives, just look back and then try to recall the good days. It can also be helpful if you write down notes on a daily basis on the things which you did that made a difference.
Using Selective Interpretation
Once you begin believing that you’re not capable or worthy of finding love, it then becomes easier to interpret everything else in that same light. Your supervisor at work, for instance, returns your report, suggesting that you improve it, so you automatically think that he’s not happy with you.
What you don’t realize is how you interpret these situations which may be reflective of your low self esteem and insecurity, rather then thinking positively about the work that you do. You fail to recognize that it’s a work in progress, and not always just about you.
You may feel that if they actually cared or even valued your efforts, then they would better serve your actions. So you may want to discuss your concerns and ask for clarification instead.
You can ask your supervisor, “I really appreciate your feedback and will immediately make these changes to the report. But I was wondering if I’m on the right track, or if there are specific areas in my work where I need to improve on.”
Using this approach has the advantage of getting direct praise or constructive feedback on how you can improve your work, and become better at what you do.
Reacting To The Feedback
Being more aware regarding how you feel about your insecurity issues may not necessarily make it go away any time soon, but it will definitely loosen the grip it has on you.
You can then begin building more confidence by actively deciding to think more positively about any feedback which is directed your way. What this approach takes is a bit of effort and the willingness to be able to make changes in your life by challenging yourself.
All it takes is you deciding to take these issues more seriously, by becoming more consistent, writing down your “positives” in a journal, and talking to trusted friends or a colleague about it. Although it may initially be a struggle, you will eventually overcome your fears.
Over time, with your dedicated persistence and effort, you’ll eventually begin to leave any feelings of self doubt behind you, as you begin to march forward in your life with complete self confidence.