What we all have are skeletons in our closet. Most are ghosts that will eventually reveal themselves when least expected. For a relationship to last, to grow evergreen with old age happily ever after, there are two agreements every couple needs to overcome.
What every relationship needs is to pass these two agreements. The first being a conscious one, between two people who wants to spend some time together.
They agree to “Support and care for one other’s needs, listen to and accommodate each other, as they promise to make compromises when needed.” Sounds like love right?
These are the important foundations for establishing a relationship, but they are also limited.
As time passes, what happens is it typically becomes too difficult to keep these pledges, as living a life happens.
The reason being the secrets each keeps from one another, eventually reveals themselves. The ones which don’t fit in alignment with the original accord.
The second agreement is a subconscious one.
“We’ll ignore, put on the back burner, certain reveals, the “secrets” of our past lives before we met one other, that can potentially threaten or harm the relationship.”
This so our lives from this day forward, can work. Whatever happened in the past doesn’t matter.
“This too make each other feel comfortable, to avoid conflict, to strive towards our ideal vision of how a relationship should be.”
What the second agreement needs is that each partner, has to suppress certain things about themselves, such as their upbringing, ethnicity, culture, personality, needs and desires, so they won’t rock the boat.
These deep dark at times mysterious secrets will constantly lurk in the background of the relationship.
To Find Common Ground
Learning to express oneself better, is by communicating outside the boundaries that’s beyond their usual comfort zone. One partner might be more direct, forceful and to the point, while the other might be more sensitive and reserved.
The more extroverted partner needs to learn to suppress themselves better, by approaching the other by being more gentle and generic.
The other needs to come out of their shell, in the attempts to match the others extroversion.
Neither is inherently that difficult to do in the short term, but isn’t always sustainable in the long run. One will usually begin to wear down, while the other will lose their patience.
The Second Agreement Fails
At some point the second agreement, the subconscious one, eventually breaks down over time, as one partner attempts to express themselves, their needs, desires or values, and becomes misunderstood.
This might appear as resentment, anger, moodiness, affairs, and other outlets that the other can’t accept or furnish. What then appears are questions such as, “How can I cope with these problems?”
Is there effort to ignore these impulses, this by reverting back to the first agreement by saying:
“Okay, I found a way to settle myself down in this relationship, and can do so for the rest of my life. I have the courage and the willingness, to go on a journey of personal and relationship growth with this person.”
When One Partner Outgrows The Other
When it comes to long-term relationships such as being married, there’s always one partner that begins to outgrow the other.
This person yearns to learn, improves themselves mentally and physically over time. This is often the female in the relationship, but not always universally the case.
Women are more likely to seek self help more then men will, such as go to therapy and pursue personal growth.
She values the relationship and wants to improve it, find out what her destiny is, learn to become a new improved better person.
Her male partner however, will think things are great just the way they are, as he huddles down every Sunday to watch football. “If it’s not broken, why fix it?” “I bring home the paycheck don’t I?”
A Gap Then Starts To Develop
It’s not always a good idea for her, to attempt to change him, but she’ll try. She’ll then begin to find ways to create mental “separation” from her partner, this without terminating the relationship.
She could begin pursuing a new career path, begin hanging out with her old friends who she never had time for. Not care as much if her partner happens to be in a bad mood.
She separates herself emotionally and at times financially, and may ultimately make plans to leave, or have an affair.
How Long Relationships Lasts
Personal growth is just as important as developing a relationship, and the effort placed in them has a significant say on the resiliency of the bond.
The stark reality being, what happens to the relationship isn’t entirely up to you, as there are external forces beyond your control that’s at work and in charge.
How long the relationships lasts, is on it’s own time clock.
The universe, God, whatever force that you want to believe in, is guiding it on it’s own path, and you can’t usually control the outcome.
Can Predict The Future
Some experts claim they can predict how long a relationship lasts, similar to a fortune teller at the country fair. What they’re capable of is you pay them to reveal your future.
When it comes to how long a relationship will last, some claim it can be predicted based on the personalities and circumstances of the two involved in the relationship.
What the relationship expert will tell you is that your relationship will last a year, six years, twenty-five years, or a lifetime.
It’s rare that relationships will last for forever these days, unless you want to live a life of misery.
If the relationship goes longer than what it’s destined for, both partners can sense it, that they’re living on borrowed time.
What both know is it’s over, but won’t at first do anything about it because they’re scared of the inevitable, scared for their children or what others may think of them.
This Is The End My Friends
There are a host of emotions that activates when it’s done, when it’s over and they know it.
Once the relationship ends, both will feel ashamed and disappointed, yet relieved it’s over.
They feel anger and bitterness, blame the other for all the pain and sorrow.
Once the relationship ends, both will reminisce of happier times, when they first met, remember how perfect the other appeared to them at one time. How they were the love of their life.
Once the relationship ends just as the fortuneteller predicted, it feels finale.
Each then feels thankful and grateful for what they shared together, especially if there’s children, while feeling at peace it ended.