We all know someone in our lives, who appears to be all grown up with families, holding down responsible jobs, but their minds remain immature. This is the “man child,” or the woman who can’t control their emotions, thus unpredictable. So what does it mean, for adults to be considered mature.
Being a mature individual, doesn’t refer to just squeaking by making a living, being able to pay the bills on time, attempting to be a good parent or spouse. But rather, it’s more on how well we’re capable of running our lives. How we handle ourselves, our relationships, and the level of thought that goes in our everyday decision making.
Being mature at the clinical level, is thought to be a set of life skills that can be learned or improved upon. What one needs to be aware of, is mindfully knowing who and what they are. Knowing which immaturity traits, need to be improved on.
Realizing and adapting to the particular temperament that they’re born with, the personality that they’ve inherited. A set of guidelines needs to be established, provided the individual is willing, and wants to be considered a responsible adult.
1.) – Control Of Emotions
Raging erratic emotions need to be harnessed, especially the volatile ones such as anger. For those children who displayed bad behavior in school, usually grows up to be adults who can’t hold down steady jobs, has multiple relationships, generally being considered unstable.
There are a variety of ways to tame such emotional responses, everything from meditation, cardio exercises, to mindfully taking deep relaxing breathes.
There are ways to controlling angst and anxiety, as it’s identified to be an overactive amygdala, which is the region of the brain that controls emotional outbursts.
2.) – Reacting To The Emotions Of Others
Although we can learn to self-regulate our own emotions, there are others around us who are unable to. So what’s needed is restraint, to not get angry or overwhelmed in return. To control ourselves when confronted.
The issue becomes the inability to tolerate the strong display of emotions, that’s exhibited by others. The best is to avoid them, but that’s usually impossible.
So what needs to be adopted, is calming down our own anxiety, realizing that how others react emotionally, is their problem and not ours.
3.) – Admit Making Mistakes
Once realizing we made a mistake, we should admit it to ourselves first, this before revealing it to others. What doing so avoids, is a sense of entitlement.
Doing so helps in becoming more considerate, to the mistakes that others make. Admitting our mistakes to others, shows humility.
What needs to be realized is that everyone makes mistakes, that mistakes are “mistakes” and not character flaws. There’s no need to mentally beat ourselves up, or punish others. What’s required is fixing them, and learning from them.
4.) – Always Be Honest
Being “honest” is an emotion, while the truth is genuine facts and evidence. Honesty, is believing in what our hearts and minds are saying at a certain time, this in the moment, which can alter over time. It’s not about outright lying.
Being honest with oneself can be difficult, because it takes courage to act on how we really feel deep inside. What’s needed, is asking ourselves what we truly want and feel, and then having the courage to step up and admit it, then taking action.
5.) – Managing Anxiety
What can’t be avoided is anxiety. We react by hoping it will go away, this by shutting ourselves down or out, or attempt to drink ourselves through it with a bottle of wine.
We’ll try to avoid or ignore it, hoping it’ll somehow solve itself. We constrict our world view, by not allowing anxiety in.
The best way to approach anxiety is head on, which allows us to expand ourselves and our current world. To face the fear. To take calculated risks, which invites intimacy into our relationships, or discover who we are.
The first step, is moving out of our comfort zones, to get used to feeling anxiety. Over time with practice, it becomes easier as we grow braver and expand. Fixing anxiety, is running towards it, and not running away from fear.
6.) – Always Be Proactive
Our default switch is to be reactive, to respond to whatever is sent our way. We’re conditioned on auto-pilot, to react in a certain way without thinking.
What being proactive requires is being mindful, to be deliberate and conscientious, to initiate what we do, what we decide or want. To command our life, this instead of reacting to it, or trying to please the lives of others.
What’s needed is stepping back, and looking at what we’re doing, along with how and why we’re doing it. To make sound decisions, to know what to change or keep.
7.) – Live Your Own Life
Make your own unique imprint on life, stamp your personality, which is a sign of maturity. Make sure you fulfill your vision, on who you are and what you want to become. This isn’t referring to your job or relationship goals, but more on what you value in life.
What this allows is moving away from what you should do, which was dictated by your parents. It moves you away from the past, your guilt, to always appeasing others, and forces you to act on the present.
What’s needed is stepping back, and envisioning what you believe in and hold sacred. To take action to do what you need to, so you won’t live a life of regret.
To live your life, doing what you want to, this with intention, honesty, and compassion, while knowing you will make mistakes. What this creates is integrity, which aligns your inner and outer worlds.