How To Change The Defeating Self-Talk You Have With Yourself

improve your self talkWhat we all do is talk to ourselves first. This the first thing once we wake up and the last thing before going to sleep. In between, it’s constant chatter, we have those private conversations with ourselves, which are usually negative in nature, usually detrimental.

Once you hear yourself talk, much often like a broken record, we’ll constantly repeat statements such as, “I’m such an idiot” or “I’m going to fail” or “No one wants to talk to me because I’m boring,” this as you walk you into a business meeting or a social gathering.

Then as a result you appear on edge, nervous and unapproachable. Or during a job interview, you’re thinking, “I don’t think I’ll get this job,” and as a result, you come across as lacking confidence. These negative predictions has a habit of turning into self-fulfilling prophecies.

You Become What You Think
What your thoughts does is they greatly influence how you act and come across. Your behavior is then affected. So all of your negative self-talk eventually becomes true and self-defeating.

Once you think that you’re a failure, will never be successful, that you’re not good enough, does is they reduce your feelings of self-worth and self-esteem, deterring you from facing your fears.

Once you begin to put yourself down constantly for whatever reason, which beats you up mentally, doing so makes it impossible to be confident.

Stop Being So Hard On Yourself
If you’re overly critical of yourself, you’re not alone. Everyone by default are self-doubtful first, this as a safety measure from not getting hurt. There’s no reason however, to verbally abuse yourself constantly this way.

Begin by putting a stop to this and then proactively addressing all your negative thoughts, while constructing a more productive positive dialog with yourself.

Being Mindful Of Your Thoughts
Develop awareness of what you’re thinking. We become so accustomed to hearing our own narratives, that we tend to become oblivious to the thoughts we’re sending ourselves.

So be mindful of what you’re thinking, and realize that just because you’re thinking about these things, doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re true.

Stop Contemplating
Whenever you make a mistake or have a bad day, you’re tempted to punish yourself over and over. What constantly reminding yourself of the mistakes you’ve made will just make you feel worse, and it will fester.

Once you begin to ruminate while not solving the problem, the more you’ll end up focusing on it. So distract yourself somehow, do or talk about something completely different. Stop the damaging thoughts before they spiral.

Talk To Yourself In The Third Person
Ask yourself what type of advice you’d give to a friend. If someone expressed the same feelings of self-doubt that you’re having, you wouldn’t say to them, “That’s just stupid, can’t you do anything right“ or “No one likes you.”

What you would offer instead is compassionate advice or encouragement. So treat yourself and your self-talk the same way. Apply those same sensitive words of encouragement to yourself.

Find The Proof
Recognize when your critical thoughts become too negative, this to the point that they become exaggerated. If you’re thinking, “I’ll never quit my job and start my own business,” find the evidence which supports and refutes this.

At times, it becomes helpful to write them down. Begin by writing down all your ridiculous claims on one side of the sheet, and then list all the evidence to the contrary.

Then take a look at both sides of the argument. This way, you’ll see the situation less emotionally and more rationally.


Replace Your Critical Thoughts
Convert all of your overly pessimistic thoughts, and make more realistic and rational statements. Once you begin thinking, “I can never do anything right,” replace it with, “At times I do things well, other times not so much.”

Each time that you catch yourself thinking ridiculous or exaggeratedly negative thoughts, stop yourself and replace them with more accurate statements.

Know If Your Negative Thoughts Are True
At times, it becomes tempting to see a mishap turn into a complete catastrophe. But often, these worst case scenarios rarely turns out as bad as predicted or imagined.

For instance, if you think that you’re going to completely blow your presentation, then ask yourself how bad. If you then did embarrass yourself, can you recover, or would it be career threatening.

Once you begin reminding yourself that you’re able to handle the tough times along with all of their issues, doing so can only increase your confidence while decreasing the constant barrage of worry.

Accept Yourself While Improving
There’s a big difference between telling yourself that you’re not good enough, and telling yourself that you can improve and become better.

Accept all of your faults and flaws for what they are, while committing to work on improving them. Although it may sound a bit counter-intuitive, doing both at the same time is possible.

You can acknowledge that you experience anxiety when in social situations, while also mindfully deciding that you’ll become more comfortable when public speaking.

Accepting all of your weaknesses for what they are right now, doesn’t mean that you need to stay that way. Tell yourself you have flaws, but are also determined to work them out, striving to become better.

The Power Of Your Thinking
Your inner critic will constantly remind you of areas where you could improve with usually over the top harsh negative self-talk. This usually causes anxiety, forcing your performance to suffer, while reducing the chances of you reaching your goals.

So practice taming this inner turmoil, while mindfully silencing the unneeded negativity, this so you can manage your productivity better. Learn how to have better more positive conversations with yourself, which develops mental strength.

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