Once someone carries a grudge, what they’re doing is allowing someone they despise or don’t like, to control their emotions, usually by getting upset or irate. What infuriates them, is that despite all their efforts, they just can’t detract from or avoid reacting. So as a result, they feel defeated. Know that a grudge is a one-sided emotion, that’s experienced just by that person alone, while the other doesn’t know or care.
Once someone reacts to a grudge, what they feel is their anger, envy or jealousy start to boil over. What they’ll do is compare themselves to that person, and then realize they don’t either measure up, or are constantly done wrong. So they try to disrupt them some how. If they’re not able to , they get frustrated, and look for ways to aggravate or seek revenge.
Those who hold a grudge against someone, has a mindset of being competitive and jealous. They constantly compare themselves to others, this because of their low self-esteem. The problem with grudges, is the venom that they spew, lacks accountability.
1.) – Where Holding A Grudge Stems From
Begin by finding out why you hold a grudge. Often, it’s reliving an experience of inadequacy, something that happened in the past. It can also be a means of dealing with a present anger, such as feeling stress and anxiety towards oneself or someone else.
So be honest with yourself, as the feelings of holding this grudge should rear its ugly head, often simultaneously with why you’re feeling threatened.
Never use this as an opportunity to bash yourself, or anyone else. Being compassionate regarding your self-assessment is the key, to remaining objective about your emotions.
2.) – Compliment Instead Of Criticize
Rather than working yourself up into a frenzy, by lashing out hate towards someone, instead, direct that energy towards complimenting them instead.
What’s needed is getting yourself into the proper mindset, that’s genuine enough so it you won’t come across as being a lunatic, sarcastic or phony.
What this requires, is altering your emotional state of mind. What this does is cleans the slate, rather than spiraling into hatred, jealousy or resentment.
3.) – The Success Of Others Shouldn’t Deter Yours
If someone that you despise experiences success and you don’t, you instinctively think that you’ve lost, this because of your competitive low self-esteem mindset.
What happens, is that the subconscious mind will default to what occurred in the past between you two. For instance, mom made one of her delicious apple pies. What you always had to do, was get your elbows in there, fight off others, to get your piece.
What the “competitive” mindset does, is it robs you of your well being, which is a complete waste of time. Someone who experiences success, has nothing to do with you or your lack of success. There’s enough pie for everyone.
4.) – Place More Focus On Yourself
What you’re allowing, is your energy to be sapped out by holding a grudge. This because you have no goals or objectives in your life.
Since you have no direction, what you’ll dwell on is the life of others. You become obsessed and envious of them. So you need to focus more on your own life instead.
This is similar to a hamster running on a wheel, going nowhere. What you need is to establish direction in your life. What you need is purpose, and not worry or care about what others are doing.
So make sure that you know what you want for yourself, and then set your focus on it. Mind your own business. Refuse to allow someone to distract your life. So get active, as ruminating and stewing about your sorry life, just invites envy.
5.) – Alter The Subject Matter
If you’re suddenly overwhelmed by feelings of holding a grudge, as someone is babbling away on how successful their life is, then change the subject. This by steering the conversation into another direction.
Alter the subject towards something that’s more neutral, such as an upcoming event, a new project at work, or a recent night out that you’ve had. Avoid getting upset, or frustrated.
6.) – Know What Triggers The Grudge
What this requires is reminiscing. What’s needed, is finding out what the causes of your “beliefs” are in the past, which boils over your anger. The ones that are holding you back, and causing this grudge.
Doing so can be a painful and troublesome experience, this because you’re basically admitting to yourself that a belief you’ve previously held, may not be true.
Begin looking for generalized thoughts, such as, “Everyone wants to take advantage of me” or “What if this person leaves me, then I’ll be alone forever” or “I am not smart enough.”
Know that beliefs aren’t permanent, and they can be altered, improved or removed. What it can prove to be however, is a difficult process. Being aware of them is a start.
Know that your immediate thoughts, is a response from the subconscious brain. You’re also not in control of the negative thoughts that it produces. Developing mindfulness towards them, can alter these responses.
7.) – Monitor How You Respond
Isolate the exact area, where you think this grudge that you’re experiencing is stemming from. Is it in the pit of your stomach, or in the jaw or throat area, as the muscles tighten.
What’s also possible is feeling several emotions at once, such as insecurity and anger, turning into a grudge. It can also shift elsewhere, once you’re aware of them.
What the brain will automatically do, is protect you by thinking of the worst possible scenario, this as a safety precaution to protect you, so be aware of that.
8.) – Realize Grudges Are Futile
Someone that you hold a grudge against, how they act or what they say, has nothing to do with you. They don’t do it to spite you. They also have no idea, that you’re holding this grudge against them, so you’re on your own.
Take control of your feelings, develop the power to transform them. Otherwise, you’re allowing someone else to control your life. These feelings of holding a grudge won’t go away, unless you allow it to.