We all have a few similar attributes as humans, we all have our own character flaws and hidden defects that we choose to hide. As a result, there are many who’ll wear a mask of disguise, and will wear different ones depending on who we’re talking to, this especially if we meet someone for the first time.
There’s always a certain mystification when it comes to the projection of our true image, this to everyone that we meet, prospects, especially when it comes to those of the opposite human species.
Just be honest, if you’re really wanting to attract and meet a shiny new member of the opposite sex, a keeper. But what you’ll initially do is project a picture perfect fantasy painting of who you are, one that you can’t possibly live up to for long. Then you can’t keep up this perceived persona, making yourself look like a fake.
Displaying Our Vices
Once upon a time, the smoking of cigarettes was an essential cool and hipster thing to do. But today, it’s considered a “red flag” or even a character flaw that most wouldn’t want to publicize to anyone, this at least when initially meeting someone new.
So most as a result will be forced to be slightly dishonest about this or any other vice, just to be considered as a candidate in the eyes of that perfect potential match.
The question remains, do you want to continue misrepresenting whomever you’re trying to impress, and for how long.
How About Just Being Yourself
Based on a cross gender survey, the majority resounded with a firm “yes,” that they would be willing to misrepresent themselves to initially attract and hook that special someone.
This type of mindset is similar to the door-to-door salesman who aggressively gets his foot in the door anyway that he can, this so he can get the opportunity to sell his wares.
So this mindset might work to some extent when selling a vacuum cleaner, but it’s found that it won’t likely work when it comes to forming that long term relationship. It’s found that there’s one valued commodity which is absolutely imperative, and that is… Honesty!
But in order to be completely honest with someone, you need to be completely honest with yourself first, which most can’t conquer. So this isn’t an easy a task as it appears for many.
The Theory Of Conflict Theory
According to Freudian Conflict Theory, this when it comes to personality, what we all have is an “id,” an “ego,” and a “superego,” which are all busily working within our psyche.
They all jockey for position in the attempts to dominate our thinking. Thus the reason why our behavior becomes affected in various ways when it comes to different times of the day, or in different situations.
The “id” will operate within our psyche strictly on the basis of pleasure. It’s childlike in many ways, and considered the driving force when we seek out pure fun.
The superego is our moral guidance barometer. This comes from what we’ve been taught which is what’s morally right or wrong. There is however an innate conscience component of the superego, which is theoretically not governed by what we’ve been taught.
Then there’s the “ego,” that self image which we project to the outside world. What the ego does is it creates a balance between the id and superego. What it does is it saves us from becoming victims of our own pleasure.
The ego is the caretaker of the id and the superego. They all have their own different agendas, being in constant conflict with each other fighting for our brain space.
Why Are You So Confused?
This sounds like a real muddle to the brain. This the reason why someone with a sane well adjusted mind appears in constant conflict with themselves, who they are. The theory makes it look like we’re all egomaniacs with inferiority complexes.
So what does all this have to do with honesty you ask. It comes down to perception. Our own self-perception along with the perception of others. What we do is have a tendency to make comparisons of our inner self, with what we perceive our ideal self to be.
Or we’ll compare ourselves to others. While doing so, we may intentionally misrepresent our actual self to be our ideal self. Or, we’ll just flat out lie about who we are, while squelching the guilt.
We All Skirt The Truth
So you sign up on an online dating site and conveniently omit that you’re a smoker, as it will turn some people off. You then are aligned with someone based on your profile, but feel dishonest and uncomfortable with them because of your vice omission.
Then you realize that there’s something odd about your date’s behavior as well. Nervous and fidgety, she in this case is holding back way too much. There’s a wall between you two, and you can’t figure out why.
You both just conclude that you’re just incompatible, and never see each other again. Another failed attempt. Then you accidentally run into each other a year later, where she admits that she was a smoker at that time, but lied on her profile.
You then both have a good laugh since you yourself was guilty on the very same thing. So if you both hadn’t misrepresented yourselves, there may have been an instant hook up, who knows how far that it may have gone.
Honesty Is Such A Lonely Word
These life lessons will bring you full circle to being honest at all times, with yourself and others, but know that the majority behave the same way. Most will come to terms with the dishonesty of it all.
Most will eventually choose to throw away the various masks that they wear, and just choose to be real, themselves.
But then there’s also no reason to be blatantly honest when it comes to meaningless things, which can hurt someone’s feelings. At times, being honest doesn’t mean that you need to be cruel.